How I Found My Joy

by Lisa Kanemoto, resident at Wesley Palms Retirement Community

I used to live in a state of inarticulate mourning. Except for my children, I had little to show. My life felt empty and without further meaning. I was a stranger to myself.

Good fortune led me to discover photography as a medium. Morrie Camhi, a photography instructor, became my mentor. His profound sense of empathy, his training and sensitive guidance, provided the trust by which I could reveal myself in a series of self-portraits. Photography became the way to explore and transform, to give face to memory, to turmoil.

Born in Germany, I grew up inhibited by the shadow of Hitler, Nazi indoctrination, terror, persecution, destruction and death. The father I cherished died in battle while in Russia.

My embittered mother and a hysterical aunt, also a war widow, raised me. A hidden Jewish background was our secret. Living in a small town, our lives enchained by deception and lies, we witnessed with horror the persecution and disappearance of our Jewish friends. To this day, wherever I go, gnawed by introspection and held back by shyness - I remain an outsider, the product of a terrible war. 
A war bride to an American of Japanese ancestry I immigrated to the United States in l 958. The complexity of an East-West marriage, attending to a promising son tragically disabled by mental illness, my struggle with cancer and the acceptance of my own mortality have remained my deepest challenges.

Photography opened a path for unusual and precious friendships and has allowed me to transform the sorrows of history and present.




Lisa Kanemoto has spent her career documenting stigmatized groups such as the mentally ill, drug addicts, ethnic minorities, the gay community and the homeless. Her work has been exhibited and collected internationally www.lisakanemoto.com





 

4 Ways to Beat the Winter Blues

Use these 'light' tips to brighten your days.
By Patricia Corrigan for Next Avenue

When the sun wakes up late and slips away before the workday ends, when many a day is dark and gray, when it’s Groundhog Day and even an early spring seems far away, many large, hairy mammals — Punxsutawney Phil, included — choose to hibernate. But not us!

We slog through, knowing that the passage of time will bring brighter days ahead. But we can do more than wait it out. Here are four easy ways to beat the winter blues and create a little sunshine of your own:


1. Bring light to others’ lives

“I’m 87 years old and I can still finish The New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle,” a friend wrote in a holiday note to me. She added, “And I love hearing from you!”

My aunt, who is 86 and lives in rural Illinois, also likes hearing from me. The joy is evident in her voice when I call to report any new funny stories about my grandson or even when I call just to say hello.

I care about both these women, and about other distant friends as well. Talking with them brightens my day and theirs, too.

No matter how behind in life you are, consider making time right now to pick up the phone and bring some sunshine into the lives of your older relatives and friends.

After the call(s), keep that smile on your face. Research shows that when you smile, your mood elevates and you feel less stressed.

In an article for Forbes, Roger Dooley writes that if you smile in public, those around you will be lifted as well. “UCLA scientist Marco Iacoboni notes that our brains are wired for sociability,” Dooley reports. “In particular, if one person observes another person smile, mirror neurons in that person’s brain will light up as if he were smiling himself.” (Or herself, I’m certain.)


2. Open a box of light

 In mid-December, my friend Carol Porter posted this on Facebook: “I’m enjoying an early Christmas present to myself — my new light box! I sit next to it for 30 minutes daily, relaxing with coffee, calendar, notepad, tablet, organizing my day and thinking beautiful thoughts as the bright light bathes my retinas.”

When Carol complained of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) — also known as the winter blues — her doctor gave her a brochure about a company that makes several varieties of high-powered therapy lights and lamps.

 “A light box mimics outdoor light. Researchers believe this type of light causes a chemical change in the brain that lifts your mood and eases other symptoms of SAD,” says the Mayo Clinic. A light box may be an effective treatment on its own or, the Mayo Clinic adds, “in combination with an antidepressant medication or psychotherapy.”

Think you may suffer from SAD? The Mayo Clinic lists these symptoms:
• Irritability
• Tiredness or low energy
• Problems getting along with other people
• Hypersensitivity to rejection
• Heavy, “leaden” feeling in the arms or legs
• Oversleeping
• Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
• Weight gain


Carol likes her lamp a lot. Sitting by it, she exhorts, “SAD, be gone!”


3. Light up the night

 Me, I like the dark. (Cue “Over at the Frankenstein Place,” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which starts out with this evocative line: “In the velvet darkness of the blackest night…” What, you’re not a fan?)

Night is when I write, read, listen to music and relax. I also like vanilla-scented candles, and one recent rainy evening I gathered up five of them, put them on a placemat in the middle of my dining room table and lit them all.

I turned off the lamps and then, with a clear sight line from the living room couch, I sat with a glass of wine, enjoying my impromptu candle party and the subtle scent of vanilla.


4. Treat your “defects” lightly

 “The truth is that the older I get, the more I like my defects. Old age is the best moment to be and do whatever you enjoy.” That’s Alma speaking. She’s the 81-year-old main character in Isabelle Allende’s book, The Japanese Lover: A Novel, about a woman who carries on a secret affair well into her later years. What’s especially intriguing about Alma’s quote is the encouragement to embrace our flaws and emphasize our eccentricities.

 Another important self-improvement tip comes from a recent book by Allen Klein, who insists it’s time to stop blaming other people for anything.You Can’t Ruin My Day: 52 Wake-Up Calls to Turn Any Situation Around is Klein’s 25th book on harnessing the power of humor to make a better life.

 “You are the only person who can ruin your day,” Klein writes. He says our reactions to any thought or action determines how we perceive that thought or action, and we have ultimate control over our reactions.

 To bolster his case, Klein, 77, quotes rabbis, Japanese proverbs, Desmond Tutu, Chinese philosophers, Pema Chodron (an American Buddhist nun) and even Alexander Pope, the 18th century poet.

 The gist of Klein’s message? Lighten up.


© Twin Cities Public Television - 2016. All rights reserved.



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5 Tips for Older Adults Navigating the Holiday Blues

Grief can get in the way, but don’t feel like you have to fake it

Credit: Thinkstock

By Emily Gurnon for Next Avenue

In the midst of frenetic advertising, pressure to shop for gifts and the ubiquitous seasonal music, the holidays can be an especially hard time if you’re depressed or missing a lost loved one.

The contrast between the “ideal” of the holiday and how we feel inside can be enormous, making the bad or painful feelings all the more pronounced.

“We feel guilty at this time of year if we personally cannot live up to the standard to be ever-cheerful and happy and joyful,” said Dr. Arthur Hayward, national clinical lead in elder care at Kaiser Permanente in Oakland, Calif.

Expectations for merriment and joy are high, Hayward said, as evidenced in holiday greeting cards.

“The wishes are not, ‘Have a pretty good Christmas’ or ‘Have an OK New Year,’ but ‘Have the best Christmas ever’ and ‘a very prosperous New Year,’” he said.

Different for Older Adults

For those who are still active, have children at home or have not yet retired, the holiday season can be a whirlwind of activity that feels draining.

Challenging in a different way may be the loneliness of older adults as friends die and family members move away. In a troubling new survey, a quarter of those 65 and older in England said they were not looking forward to Christmas this year, and many of those said it was because “the festive season brings back too many memories of loved ones who have passed away,” according to a poll for the British nonprofit Age UK released earlier this month.

Two-thirds of the 1,793 older adults surveyed reported that loneliness is exacerbated by the holiday season.

Recognizing that many feel a heavier burden of grief this time of year, some churches hold “Blue Christmas” or similar services. December is also the month in which Compassionate Friends, a group for people who have lost a child, holds candlelight ceremonies worldwide.

The Blues or Depression?

The shorter days during winter can contribute to Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. This malady is not just “the blues,” but a type of major depression, according to the Mayo Clinic. People who are depressed may feel sad, hopeless or worthless; lose interest in things they used to enjoy; sleep too much or too little; have trouble concentrating; have little energy; notice changes in their appetite or weight or have thoughts of dying or suicide, the Mayo Clinic says.

If you feel that you or a loved one are suffering from depression, it’s important to seek treatment, Hayward said.

As difficult as the holidays can be, Hayward offered some advice for coping:

Tips for Getting Through the Season 

• Get plenty of rest. When you take care of your body, you will feel better. 
• Try to keep your expectations of the holiday modest. That may help prevent feelings of disappointment or of being let down. 
• Know that it is OK to feel sad or lonely. You don’t have to try to fake it to live up to the expectations of others. 
• Spend time with friends and other people you enjoy. Do things you want to do, not just the things you have to do. 
• It’s fine to say no sometimes. Wearing yourself out with too many activities will only make you feel worse. 

Tips for Family or Friends

• Ask your depressed loved one to do things with you, such as go for a walk or to a movie. If he or she says no, that’s OK. But do ask again in the future. 
• Ask how you can help in the person’s day-to-day life. You might do some housework, lawn care or errands. 
• Get your loved one to talk about happy memories. This may help him or her feel more a part of the celebration. 
• Listen when the person wants to talk. Don’t try to talk him or her out of sad feelings, but acknowledge them. 

© Twin Cities Public Television - 2016. All rights reserved.



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