Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

The 9 Keys to a Happy Retirement

What the experts say, plus 8 great retirement books
 

Credit: Getty Images
 
It turns out that happiness and retirement do go together.

Well, based on the research and books I’ve read and interviews I’ve done since becoming
editor of the Money & Security and Work & Purpose channels at Next Avenue in 2011, they can go together if you play your cards right.

And it’s not just about having saved enough money or having a great pension, though both of those help. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are nine keys to a happy retirement, one of them pertaining specifically to couples. I’ll lay them out shortly and suggest a few books that can help you retire happy.

Of course, the definition of retirement isn’t what it was even 10 years ago. For many people, retirement in 2016 is not about quitting your full-time job full-stop at 65 and then living a life of leisure.
 
What Is Retirement, Anyway?
For one thing, 65 was the retirement date set in 1935 when FDR signed Social Security into law. It made more sense when people didn’t live as long as they do today and at a time when most employers provided guaranteed pensions once their employees retired. A March 2016 Ameriprise study said 71 percent of current retirees rely on guaranteed pensions from their former employers while 75 percent of pre-retirees plan to rely on anything-but-guaranteed 401(k)s when they retire.Catherine Collinson, president of the Transamerica Center for Retirement Studies, recently told me that many workers now envision retirement as a transition, something that happens over time. The current catchphrase is “flexible retirement,” which means either going from full-time to part-time work or working in a different capacity or working as long as you’re able.

That said, here are the nine ways to increase your chances of being happy in retirement:
 
1. Figure out in advance what you want out of retirement. By that, I mean things like: how you’ll spend your days, where you’ll spend them and what would make you fulfilled.Stan Hinden, the author of How to Retire Happy, recommends starting to think seriously about retirement when you’re around 50 or 55.

One key decision is where you will retire and how much traveling you’ll want to do. Some people choose to retire in another country. It’s not for everyone, but a recent
survey of 389 expats by the website Best Places in the World to Retire found that 81 percent were happier in their new country than where they lived before.

Why is that? For one thing, the cost of living was often less — sometimes much, much less. That meant they didn’t need to worry as much about their expenses or finding a high-paying job in retirement.

Many of the expats also said they were less stressed than before because their new country wasn’t as fast-paced as America. Many also said they loved their new “simple life,” especially because they now had more free time to volunteer (I’ll come back to that last point shortly).

If you’re wondering which are the best places in the world to retire, the answer depends on which survey you believe.
International Living says the top places are Panama and Ecuador. And the Live and Invest Overseas site has picked the Algarve region of Portugal and Cayo, Belize.

2. The corollary to No. 1 — If you have a husband, wife or partner, talk frankly together about what you both want out of retirement. Neal Frankle, a noted financial planner, recently
wrote on Next Avenue that he finds it helpful for couples to discuss their retirement dreams and write them down. Then, he says, they should mark each item as a “must have,” a “want” or a “wish” and be ready to compromise.

One thing you’ll want to figure out is how much time the two of you will want to spend together, since this may be the first time you’re both available all the time.

Hinden told Next Avenue that he and his wife came up with a system that worked for them: Early in the week, they each would spend time alone or with their own friends. Then, toward the end of the week, they’d do things together, like go to museums, theaters or restaurants.

3. Come up with a
retirement income plan. By that I mean: sit down and figure out how much your 401(k) and other accounts will translate to in monthly income; how much you’ll get from Social Security and any pension; how much you can afford to withdraw each year (the rule of thumb is around 4 percent) and which accounts you’ll tap first for withdrawals to keep taxes down.

Devising a retirement income plan before you retire will relieve stress once you are retired. But only 52 percent of pre-retirees have done so, according to Ameriprise.

By the way, don’t be surprised if your retirement income or expenses don’t turn out the way you expected. When Ameriprise surveyed retirees, it found three types of expenses were higher than the retirees expected: health care, food and taxes.

4. Choose when to retire and then follow through (if you can). The authors of an excellent book called
The Retirement Maze surveyed 1,477 retirees to see what made the happy ones happy. One thing they found was that workers who were able to retire by choice were happier than ones whose retirement was thrust on them: 69 percent of the retirees who retired by choice were satisfied with their lifestyle but only 36 percent pushed into retirement said they were.

I realize many people aren’t lucky enough to be able to decide when they’ll retire because they lose their job or their health forces them to stop working. But if you can pick your date, you should.

5. Stay engaged and healthy (if you can). The career coach
Bill Ellermeyer says the happiest retirees he knows are either engaged in some kind of meaningful activity or are actively employed. Some have become entrepreneurs; some have started encore careers, doing either paid work or volunteering for the greater good, some are just volunteering here and there.

He also says they “eat well, sleep soundly, play often, exercise at least three times a week and maintain strong social connections.” In fact, a survey by Age Wave and Merrill Lynch of 3,300 pre-retirees and retirees said “good health” as the No. 1 key to happiness in retirement.

6. Get a
part-time job in retirement. Some of the happiest retirees are people who phased into retirement by gradually reducing their full-time hours. But if you can’t arrange to do that, then just quitting your job and then finding part-time work can be very satisfying, not just financially but psychically. Studies show that working in retirement helps keep your mind sharp and helps you avoid getting isolated and lonely.

The trouble is, not enough employers are helping their older workers work out a flexible transition to keep a job there part-time in retirement. A recent Transamerica study found that although 61 percent of American workers envision a flexible transition to retirement, only 25 percent said their employers offer the opportunity to shift from full-time to part-time work as they phase into retirement.

So, it’ll probably be up to you to figure out how to work part-time in retirement. Maybe you can take the initiative to come up with a plan through your current employer. If not, try securing a part-time job somewhere else, perhaps by setting up shop as a consultant or a project-based contractor.

7. Learn new things or pursue your passions. Those passions could be ones you had when you were much younger but somehow stopped doing over the years, like playing an instrument or painting. Retirement is a great time to discover new passions, too, by taking classes or finding one-on-one instruction.

Check out local colleges for adult education and continuing education classes, too. These courses could teach you new skills or just provide knowledge for the pure joy of it.

8. Keep a schedule, but not like the one you had before you retired. I came across
one study from Taiwan that said the key to a happy retirement isn’t how much free time you have, it’s how you manage whatever free time you have.

 The authors didn’t recommend blocking out every minute of every day, but instead advised setting goals and priorities for your free time and then evaluating whether they were appropriate and achievable. Then, they said, organize your activities on a daily or weekly basis — just not hourly. Having some kind of schedule prevents you from getting bored, depressed or lonely.
 
9. See your children and grandchildren if you have any. Hinden said his favorite tip from his retirement do’s and don’ts list was: Do find ways to be friends with your children and grandchildren, even though they are very busy. You need them, Hinden added, and, whether they realize it or not, they need you.

Incidentally, just retiring itself is likely to make you happier. A study by
Utah State and George Mason University professors found that retirement immediately tends to improve both happiness and health, and that the effects of this life satisfaction are long-lasting.

And here’s one last piece of good news: Most retirees say they are happy because of all the things retirement has given them the opportunity to do. In fact, a MassMutual Financial Group survey found that retirement just might pay you a happiness “bonus.” In its poll, 82 percent of retirees said retirement gave them an opportunity to enjoy themselves and about two-thirds said they now had a chance to have new experiences and feel fulfilled.

Finally, my reading list — here are some Next Avenue articles and some books that could boost your chances of a satisfying retirement:


Next Avenue ‘Happy Retirement’ Articles

These Next Avenue articles have more details about the nine keys to a happy retirement:
 

The 4 Traits of the Happiest Retirees

Time Management Is Crucial to a Happy Retirement

 The Secrets of How to Retire Happy

 Retirement Just May Pay You a ‘Happiness Bonus’

 How Couples Can Make Smart Retirement Decisions Together

 4 Reasons Expat Retirees Are Happier Than You Are

 The One Retirement Book You Need to Read


8 Books for a Happy Retirement


Happy Retirement: The Psychology of Reinvention by Professor Kenneth S. Shultz

How to Retire With Enough Money by Teresa Ghilarducci

The 5 Years Before You Retire by Emily Guy Birken

The Retirement Maze by Rob Pascale

The Couples’ Retirement Puzzle by Roberta K. Taylor and Dorian Mintzer

The Encore Career Handbook by Marci Alboher

Second-Act Careers by Nancy Collamer

Getting the Job You Want After 50 for Dummies by Kerry Hannon

 




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Friday, June 12, 2015

Why Letting Go Is the Path to Happiness

 
the-ecstasy-of-surrender.jpg
Thinkstock


Bestselling author and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA Dr. Judith Orloff is a model for balancing fierce left-brain intellect and right-brain compassion. She calls herself an “empathic psychiatrist,” and it’s her ability to connect with her patients on an emotional level while supporting them and offering wise life strategies that puts her in a rarefied league.

As a follow-up to her 2009 book, the wildly popular Emotional Freedom, Orloff has penned The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life. She gave readers a taste of it in a TED talk, which garnered more than half a million views on YouTube.

In the new book, Orloff shows why surrender is a more effective approach to life than trying to control or force things. She offers examples and exercises to help us make that simple, yet super-challenging, leap when it comes to power, money, communication, relationships and mortality.

I had the pleasure of chatting with her about these subjects and others and was especially eager to hear whether she felt surrender was more important to boomers than other age groups. Highlights from our conversation:

Next Avenue: You’ve said you write about what you want to learn about. How did you pick the subject of surrender?


Orloff: Well, because I’m a control freak and I tend to fight with life sometimes, and worry, and get attached to patterns and relationships that aren’t good for me and I can’t rid of them … my deepest desire was to learn surrender on a deep, deep level so I could shed what wasn’t working for me and learn how to trust and flow instead of fight, and really go forward in my life.

So since undertaking the writing of this book, have you been able to shed much?

In the Forward, I talk about all the things I’ve had to give up. For starters, because of unrelenting noise and construction, I had to move out of the condo where I lived for many years while I was writing this book. I ended up moving 10 times in one year and giving away all my possessions. I shed things, I shed a relationship, I shed a therapist, and I shed old ideas about relationships, sexuality and caring about what other people think of me. It’s become a lifelong meditation for me; it’s how I want to live.

You call surrender “a sublime state, that can help us improve the overall quality of our lives and reduce stress, help us conquer our fears and get unstuck.” That’s quite a claim! Can you explain what you mean when you say “surrender” and how one learns to do it?

In Sanskrit, “surrender” means giving one’s self wholly to something without holding back. What surrender doesn’t mean is weakness, failure or defeat. What it entails is taking a conscious look at what’s working in your life and what’s not, and then deciding which parts you want to let go of because they’re holding you back, and what you want to surrender into. It’s about making choices.


The way I use the term implies there’s a grace surrounding all of us that goes beyond our to-do list. It’s something we have the power to tap into and “co-partner” with.

In the book you write, “Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in the universe by mistake. Aligning yourself with the flow of nature ensures you’ll be headed in the right direction.” That’s a tough thing for some proud, self-reliant people to swallow. What do you say when you get pushback on that belief?

I don’t say anything. If people want to live a life where they’re trying to control everything and tighten up and force and push and that’s working for them, that’s fine by me! I just want people to be happy.


But how people typically get to surrender is that they realize that something isn’t working in their lives and that they need to find a new approach. Sometimes it takes big things, like illness, drug addiction or alcoholism to get the light to go on.

When I frame surrender not as giving up power but gaining it, people can usually relate to that. It’s a balance between doing everything you can to make something happen and then letting it go.

I loved the chapter about relationships. Do you think learning to surrender to the flow of love and sensuality becomes even more important at midlife?

It’s important for everyone to be aware of their body and emotions at any age, whether they’re in a relationship or not. While I don’t believe you “search” for love because it’s always there, you can surrender the barriers to love.

So surrender isn’t magical thinking. Sometimes it involves cognitive-behavioral therapeutic techniques.

Yes. And just staying conscious. Sometimes surrender is letting go of things that aren’t working, but sometimes it means opening to something new that might work.


If your old patterns prevented you from finding an appropriate romantic partner, the work is looking at your fears of control and becoming open and less guarded and surrendering to love.

Is surrendering something you’re ever “done” with? What kinds of things trip people up?

I don’t think one is ever “done” with this work. It’s a lifelong process. On my book tour and with my patients, I’ve found one of the most common things that people struggle with is letting go of the need to be right. That can really sabotage relationships and work and people just hold on to it and hold on to it. Most of the time they are right, but that’s not the point. Being right isn’t the goal; the goal is the relationship.

The ego never wants to surrender; it wants to be right. But the heart wants to love, and if you want to love, surrender is necessary. You need to find some kernel of truth in what the other person is saying and acknowledge it. That will soften them and allow a dialogue to begin. That’s the beauty of surrender work. Once people get the explanation and actually try a different way, even if they have doubts, they’ll see that the results are stupendous.

Talk a little about the “anti-aging” aspect of surrendering.

Having to be right or fighting everything pumps stress hormones like cortisol throughout the body, which decreases immunity and speeds up aging. But people who are relaxed and open don’t have the slow burn of the stress hormones. They have the endorphins that come from letting go, meditation and the exercises of surrender. Endorphins, our natural painkillers, soften them and make them radiant, decrease stress and aging and produce bliss.

I’m convinced as people age, if they have tons of resentments — which weigh something like a quarter of a pound each — those resentments weigh you down so your shoulders get stooped, your brow gets furrowed, and you look older. Yet people who are more surrendered don’t have as much baggage on their soul or their body.

I think that at midlife and beyond, people can go through a constant rebirth, and that’s what the surrender is. It’s not buying into the negative, ridiculous, fear-based ideas that society has about aging. I’ve decided to reinvent it on my own and bring in intuition, subtle energy and the mind-body connection.


I encourage people to look at what is emotional aging, what is spiritual aging, what is physical aging, what is energetic aging and optimize all those components. If you have a spiritual practice, for example, the older you get, the better it gets.

The irony is that pain is a lot easier to surrender to for most people than pleasure. But it’s important in midlife to let pleasure in to savor it.


Don’t just say, 'Oh, isn’t that a nice sunset?' Let it in, really feel it in your body and enjoy it with every cell. Get used to receiving as a form of surrender. The more we can get out of our heads and thoughts and into our bodies, the more pleasure and joy we’ll experience, and the more radiant we’ll become — at any age.


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